1. |
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I’m not a Preacher’s Niece
Not like before
I tie myself to subtlety
Underneath the machines
I’m told to adore
Those same machines
That have been manufacturing
Sickness to the parents that gave me
These insecurities
All for twenty-eight years
All for twenty-eight exhausted years
Of steel-toed protected excuses
Of why they couldn’t be
What I needed them to be
One’s for one and two’s for two
And three can’t get ahead
Four is disconnected from the couch and from the bed
Yes, four is out of love and out of patience
I miss three more than I miss inspiration
Three is on her way to another helpless condition
While one sits all alone in such temptation
So I left them, just how I’ll remember them
So, I left them, just how I remembered them
Divided completely
My Uncle tried to get us to go with God
We said we needed the sleep
Shit, we’d been working for so long
My Grandma said she’s pray for us
And when my cousin took me in,
My Grandma took on her Granddaughter
About the Gospel of her true religion
So, this is sensitivity
This is the example you chose to set for me
While I cried on the mattress
Too consumed with all the blasphemous
I realized there’s no fight in me
To destroy the beliefs
For which you’ve bled so desperately
And that was the day I let myself drift
Into what you always feared me to be
I am what you fear me to be
And one is on his way to church
And two forgets what it means to work
And three is filling me up with empty promises
While I still wonder if five and six will ever coexist
Will we ever coexist
So, I left them, just as I remember them
So, I left them, just how I’ve remembered them
Divided completely carrying on about the Trinity
Divided completely, so this is what you call family
Divided completely
There’s the good book, the blood, here’s the hook, where’s the flood
You got the good book, the blood, here’s the hook, where’s the flood
Here’s the hook
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2. |
Pressure Points
04:05
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Frankie’s got a problem
With the way you do your hair
And you think you saw a ghost
But there’s really nothing there
And the blankets at your feet
Aren’t keeping you that warm
The sun left this October
‘Cause he’d rather see the shore
That was the year
The jack-o-lanterns carved me out
It rained every goddamn day
And ended rumors of a drought
And the temperature fell below
To keep us on our toes
To capture us in misery
To rapture all our souls
But don’t you think
Fall will get the best of me
Rot and teeth
Sold in bulk with the rest of me
Doused inside
All your driven, dirty tears
You think you saw a ghost
But it’s my reflection in the mirror
The wolves will be the problem
Hungry for just another limb
But I’ve given up my heart
So there’s nothing left to spend
And someday I’ll get it back
In some sore, poor condition
‘Cause it’s been beaten down
With all of my convictions
So, I take this time in solitude
With drinks and grains of sand
Halloween is steady coming
And the Devil’s made a man
Out of all the pretty choir boys
Tempted by the Marys
“Holy Water down the Hatch”
I still hear my friend’s voice carry
But don’t you think
Fall will get the best of me
Frost and freeze
All along the cemetery
Doused inside
All my heavy-hearted tears
I think I saw a ghost but it’s my reflection in the mirror
Down, down you go
With filth and fornication
Filling up our heads with all those petty penetrations
I’d like to read a book
But would rather make a move
To be cast out as an offering
To lonesome people just like you
Don’t you think
Time will get the best of me
Love is preached
Like it’s spirituality
I’ve got spirit
I used to cheer in adolescence
You think you saw a ghost but it’s just another cheap confession
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3. |
Love On Paper
03:33
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Maybe if I write something pretty in G Major
Examining love throughout this tiny piece of paper
I could feel it again, without consequence
Maybe if I sing on these strained vocal cords
Examining you from memory and off a bulletin board
Your pale, pink-lipped smile I awake to in the night
I can’t get you off of my mind
Love, love, love
You are still alive inside
The distant crack and corners
Of my tuned, but tongue-tied mind
And in all the dirty space
That my heart has set aside
For a love I’d rather fight than confide
Maybe if these trees grew taller
With brush and leaves and weeds
All around this Holy water
I could finally dream in peace and quiet
Forgetting such a simple science
Of this chemical reaction
Just until it passes
Oh, but love, love, love
You are still alive inside
My music, and my paintings, and the poetry I write
And you will carry through this torch
And pass it on with pride
For love I’d rather fight than divide
Oh, but love, love, love
You’re still on my mind
Personified in the fingertips
That softly grace my spine
To truly capture happiness
There’s nothing I can write
But for love I’d rather fight than survive
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4. |
Conviction Song
04:53
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You were breathing in sickness
Just to touch me
I was starving for a love just to crush me
Fuck me
Oh, the crushed and the best
Black-lung choir, heaven-sent
Fighting with the fucked religions
When heavy heart is on the wire
Too washed-out to inspire
And too washed-up for desire
Don’t you touch me now
‘Cause I am in my own head
Don’t you touch me now
‘Cause I am in my own head
With strings to sew and to stitch
A disconnection on your end
But it can’t be fixed
So I find myself in therapy
Not open windows
Young love as an after-thought
To such crescendo
Skeletons you’ve safely kept
They find their kin
But they’re still oppressed
They plot their independence
But I’m still singing to the missed
I’m too indifferent for the pitch
Lethargic in my own discretion
When heavy head it will not heal
You press it against the steering wheel
To rest it with the overkill
Don’t you touch me now
‘Cause I am in my own head
Don’t you touch me now
‘Cause I am in my own head
With strings to sew and to stitch
A disconnection on your end
But it can’t be fixed
Am I only one conviction of many
Am I any conviction at all
Or one more accomplishment
On the list of battles you won
Just this once I’ll tell you were wrong
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5. |
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All hail broken hearts over bridges
Troubled water whistles down below
And while the water wistfully sings
For your melancholy company
You too, in time, will let her go
All hail the heart that’s wanting again
Running like she’s never fallen down
If the wind draws you near
You’d be better to steer clear
If you happen to see her around town
But oh, pretty persuasion
Oh, pretty persuasion
I won’t find myself giving in
No, I won’t find myself giving in
But I’m sure I’ve just imagined it
All hail hungry hearts for freedom
And hallelujah for the grace that I’ve been given
My vessel leads the thought
Singing “Loving’s What I Got”
So this is what it means to be living
And all hail the heart that wanting again
Running like she’s never scraped her knees
If the wind draws you near
You’d be better to steer clear
You’d be better, you’d better to steer clear
Of the breeze
You’d better steer clear
You better steer clear
You better steer clear of the breeze
That’s coming over me
You better steer clear
You better steer clear
You better steer clear
Of the breeze that’s coming over me
All hail broken hearts over bridges
Troubled water whistles down below
And while the water wistfully sings
For my melancholy company
I too, in time, will let her go
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